


When the Heart Is Yearning

by Grotesgi



Series: After No Disaster Can Touch Us Anymore [4]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Alien Planet, Aliens, Aquariums, Captive Mers, Captivity, Codependency, Drowning, Euthanasia, Forced Feeding, Gen, Graphic Emaciation, Hermaphrodites, Hurt No Comfort, Merformers, Minor Character Death, Murder, Past Incest, Past Rape/Non-con, Starvation, Suicide, injuries, post-partum, self-starvation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:28:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25232398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grotesgi/pseuds/Grotesgi
Summary: 'Cause without your love, my life ain't nothing but this carnival of rust.
Series: After No Disaster Can Touch Us Anymore [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1824688
Comments: 9
Kudos: 23





	1. Death's Doorstep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Direct continuation of [Nature Calls](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25053964). An alternative outcome of that fic; for a slightly happier version you can check out [Fading Light](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25188664).
> 
> This is not a happy fic in any shape or form. Please, please, PLEASE heed the tags. There's an actual image at the end, that I drew, that is not any more happy than the rest of the fic, and to which the warning tags also apply. This isn't just graphically descriptive of certain things, there's actual visual material to go with it.
> 
> Proceed with caution, I beg of you.
> 
> And if I missed any tags, please say so and I'll add them at once.
> 
> (See the end of the work for more notes.)

_“Please come back.”_

He’d whispered that plea into the emptiness of the tank, with no one but his newborn pups there to hear him. How desperately he’d wished Sunstreaker was there, yearning for it with his whole being… He just wanted the presence, the support Sunstreaker had promised him and that he knew his brother would also give him.

He wanted to disappear into Sunstreaker’s embrace and just for a moment forget about everything else. Pretend everything was fine.

Just long enough that he could get himself together.

Because he was a mess right now, even Sideswipe could recognize that much through said mess.

He cried, and he cried, and he cried, his face in his palms, his shoulders shaking. It was hard to breathe.

And the babes, oh Primus. The babes were there, and they would have needed him. That thought didn’t help, the _everyone is asking far too much from me_ feeling weighing down on him and stealing all of his strength, emotional as well as physical.

And all the while the babes waited, because there wasn’t much else they could do. One continued to sit on his tail; he could feel it moving every now and then.

The other one kept laying next to him, frighteningly still.

He didn’t know how long they all spent like that, the babes patiently waiting and him shattering into tiny little pieces he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to pick up and put back together again. Time, as a concept, completely eluded him when he was already so preoccupied, even though the thought that _he needed to see to the pups, right now_ was wrecking the back of his mind.

It didn’t help.

Nothing helped.

He just wanted Sunstreaker. Sunstreaker was rock solid when he was there for him. Sunstreaker didn’t bend or break.

The same couldn’t be said for him, now.

The lights had begun to dim when Sideswipe finally managed to calm his breathing, little by little. It took a while from that to pry his hands away from his face and finally… Acknowledge what had happened.

Accept it.

He had pups to look after now. They needed him. It wasn’t just about himself anymore.

And it didn’t matter how the pups had come to be or who their sire was. That didn’t change things.

It didn’t change the fact he wanted to be a good carrier for them—as good as he could be in the circumstances. As good as he could be despite the fact they lived within four solid walls that he’d never left since the day they’d brought him here.

He didn’t want to think about the alternative, the wild. It was pointless. It would only make him hurt more.

So he didn’t allow those thoughts foothold.

Accept it. Maybe they wouldn’t keep the babes here forever—although he could only hope they didn’t take them away right away—but even if they didn’t, what his babes would see once they left was likely just another tank not so different from this one.

If he knew the humans any.

It was something he just had to live with. It wouldn’t change things no matter how he dreamed of a way out, an escape, or however much he raged against their captors. He’d done a lot of both when he was younger.

It hadn’t changed anything. It wouldn’t change anything.

He wouldn’t teach his babes anything about the wild. There would be nothing for them to yearn for when they wouldn’t know of anything else—of anything _better._

That decision, it… Calmed him. He had a course of action he could follow.

Just as long as Sunstreaker allowed him. He wasn’t sure what his brother would think, and as the sire of the pups, he… He had say too.

But maybe he could convince him into agreeing with him, even if Sunstreaker was against it at the beginning.

Just as soon as they returned Sunstreaker.

He’d have to wait for that. In the meantime he had pups to look after, and after a deep breath Sideswipe finally gave his attention to them. He smiled at the one still on his tail, where it had probably sat and stared at him through all the hours he’d completely failed at being the mother they needed.

But he didn’t attend to it first. Its sibling was his first concern, and carefully, so as to not jostle the more active pup, he reached to the side and grabbed and lifted the little one laying on the (luckily) warm floor.

It made a little noise at the handling, and Sideswipe felt a surge of relief at the fact it was at least still alive. He brought it up for inspection, wiping a careful thumb over its little cheek.

It was lax in his hold, but at the contact it opened its eyes. They were the same orange hue as its sibling’s, as he’d expected.

Sideswipe smiled at it too, and got a blink for his trouble.

The secondborn wasn’t smaller than the firstborn, but something was different about them for the first one to be so alert, and this one… Weak, somehow. 

He’d have to keep a special eye on it. Make sure-

...Make sure the fact its sire was also his brother hadn’t adversely affected it.

Sideswipe brought the babe closer to his face and snapped the umbilical cord between his teeth. Once the pup was free, he let go of it, and to his pleasure the little one did start swimming. Or using its swim bladder, rather, because it sort of just… Floated there.

Sideswipe chuckled before gently pushing it aside and picking up its sibling. The process was repeated on the stronger pup too, and then they were both ready to swim on their own.

There were no dangers in the tank, so Sideswipe left them to it while he started to clean up the mess birthing them had left behind. The placenta was neatly disposed of, although he could do little about the blood still in the water.

Normally he would’ve just- No, no, there was no point in thinking about normal. This was his normal. Their normal.

He pushed those thoughts aside studiously before he returned his attention to the babes. They were practicing their swimming techniques by following him around, and the stronger one was helping its sibling along when it struggled under its own strength.

Warmth bloomed in his chest and Sideswipe couldn’t help his smile. It was good to see them working together already.

...Not that there was any reason why they would’ve needed teamplay, because- No, those were forbidden thoughts too.

Sideswipe shook his head to chase them away and focused back on the present and the babes. He would need to keep them entertained.

And once Sunstreaker got back… Maybe things would start to be alright then.

* * *

He waited. The season met its end, though he wouldn’t have been surprised if the humans didn’t know that right away. At least they didn’t bring Sunstreaker back then.

So he waited a little longer, and played with the pups, made sure they had something to do when they were awake, and curled up with them on the floor of the tank when they tired and needed a rest. The secondborn was still the one quicker to tire, but it was gaining strength.

It came to be a week or so after the end of the season. They still hadn’t brought Sunstreaker back. Sideswipe began to worry.

Two weeks. It still wasn’t too unusual. Sometimes they separated them for weeks at a time, when they fought badly enough and needed time to recover.

But they hadn’t fought. The only reason they had moved Sunstreaker seemed to have been the season, and things were long past that.

Why didn’t they bring Sunstreaker back?

Three weeks, nothing.

Four weeks. Still nothing.

Six weeks. He held onto hope.

Two months.

The pups were growing nicely and were about equal now, the secondborn having bridged the gap between them much to Sideswipe’s relief. But it was hard to focus on that. Really, really hard.

It was hard to keep his thoughts from Sunstreaker and the question that ate at his mind day and night.

_Why hadn’t they brought Sunstreaker back yet?_

He couldn’t keep still anymore. He was always fidgeting. The pups were copying him, turning restless even though there was no way for them to understand what was happening.

They couldn’t understand the growing fear that they had no intentions of returning Sunstreaker. They’d never met him.

Never met their sire.

Was this them punishing them for what happened? It had been the humans’ own damn fault! If they hadn’t-

If they’d just left them in the ocean, none of this would have happened.

But he didn’t want to think about that.

Yet the alternative was to think about Sunstreaker and feel the fear constrict his chest. Whether he yearned for the wild or his brother, he couldn’t seem to not want for something more than what he was given. 

But was it too much to ask that Sunstreaker was here with him? They’d spent their whole lives together. What had changed?

The pups? Was it because of the pups? The mating? That thing they had done that had had results neither of them had wanted? He couldn’t think of any other reason. It was the only thing that had changed.

Three months.

_Half a year._

They weren’t going to bring Sunstreaker back, were they? 

The pups were growing, and Sideswipe should have been proud of that fact. They were active and strong, flitting around the tank without a single worry on their minds.

It had been right to never tell them about the world outside the tank. They’d adapted to this life in the way babes picked things up so fast. Malleable, easy to teach.

They were used to this life, now. They didn’t know of anything else. They’d never even met mers other than their sibling and carrier.

But they should have met their sire.

And all the thoughts relating to that one were what made Sideswipe despair, what kept him from being happy with his pups’ progress.

He wasn’t alone, but he felt so lonely.

The one thing he’d had for his whole life wasn’t there anymore. Sunstreaker wasn’t there anymore.

He didn’t know what to do.

* * *

He didn’t get used to it. He had thought that maybe with time he would, that he could put Sunstreaker behind him, just… Accept he was no longer a part of his life.

But he couldn’t. How could he have? Sunstreaker had been the most important thing in his life since the beginning of their time, always there. He loved his brother, more than anything. More than he loved the pups, as much as he cared about them too.

They were the only thing he had left of Sunstreaker. And they looked so much like him. Every time he looked at them, he could see his brother in them—in their features, in their colors, in their fins. Someone might have argued that they looked like Sideswipe too, that he and Sunstreaker had always looked very alike, but all Sideswipe could see was Sunstreaker.

 _They were all he had._ And for them he put up a smile even when he felt he had no reason to smile.

He missed Sunstreaker so much. He couldn’t get under, over, or around that.

He just missed him.

It made his very core ache, made him feel so lost even though there was nothing to get lost in here. It was a simple life. Swim, practice taking orders from humans, swim some more.

Eat.

He hadn’t really had an appetite. 

He’d let the pups have his portion more often than not. He wasn’t sure if the humans had noticed at first, but they did nothing about it in the beginning.

But he started losing weight. Sideswipe could tell that much as his tail slimmed down until you could almost make out the muscles beneath the scaled skin.

That wasn’t supposed to happen.

But he didn’t really have an appetite. 

That was when the humans started to go out of their way to get him to eat. They’d try to offer the fish directly to him, and when he simply handed it onward to one of the pups, they had him come out of water and onto the platform where they would try feed him.

He didn’t really have an appetite, though.

So he’d turn his head away and refuse, sometimes turning around entirely and just slipping back into the water before he was given the permission to do so.

There were always the treats that came as a reward for doing the tricks they wanted from him. They had him doing more tricks than usual to have more reasons to reward him.

Eventually he stopped eating those, too. 

His weight kept dropping.

That was when the force feeding started.

They brought him on land with a call that he stupidly obeyed, even though he had no other reason to do so than sheer boredom and wanting any excuse to break the monotony. He hopped out of the water onto the platform, and moved further from the water’s edge when they beckoned him forward. 

It wasn’t that unusual for them to direct his arms behind his back and tie them together at the wrists. They did that sometimes, when they didn’t trust him to not act up during this or that. Sideswipe didn’t fret over it even as he tested the bonds, only to find them solid enough.

Needles? Also not too unusual. Sometimes they gathered blood from him, sometimes they injected something into him. It happened.

So Sideswipe laid there on the cold floor, barely flinching when the needle pierced his skin.

The humans waited around for a while, as did Sideswipe to see what they’d done this time. When he began to feel a little drowsy, he had a pretty good idea of what that something was.

Sedatives. Not enough to knock him out entirely, but enough to make him _placid._

He rested his head against the floor, blinking as his thoughts started to run sluggishly. Somewhere at the back of his mind he wondered what it had been for this time.

He didn’t need to wait long for an answer. Hazily he followed as the humans moved around in his field of vision, until they stepped up to him and caught his head. He growled lowly at the handling, but they knew he wasn’t Sunstreaker.

Sunstreaker would’ve tried to bite their damn hands off.

Sunstreaker…

He was distracted from the path his thoughts started to take when someone stuck their fingers into his mouth. He barely had the time to wonder about it before his mouth was already pried open, and wedged that way for good measure.

That was when his good temper ran out. Sideswipe flailed, trying to move away and get the damn thing out of his mouth, tugging on his bound arms-

But they were prepared for his struggles. There were enough of them to pin his head and shoulders into immobility, and do the same to his tail. Normally that might not have been enough, but normally he wasn’t fighting just to get his body to move. His coordination was gone, each of his thoughts clouded.

It didn’t stop him from knowing he did _not_ want anything to do with whatever they were about to do to him.

That thought was only further confirmed when they held his head still and slipped something into his mouth. They didn’t stop there though, oh no. The damn thing was carefully directed into his esophagus; he could feel it crawling further and further down into his chest.

He tried to pull away, to bite, to knock off the humans holding him, but it was no good. There were too many, his mouth was held open, and he was too out of it to put up a real fight.

That didn’t mean he wanted to admit defeat or make the process any easier on them. So he continued to struggle, in vain, even as the tube slipped further and further down until it met his stomach.

That was when they stopped _that_ part of it, apparently satisfied. Sideswipe tried to swallow on reflex, to move the blockage in his throat up, or down, or really any damn direction that wasn’t _stuck in his food pipe._ The feeling was horrid, but they wouldn’t let him do anything about it. 

Sideswipe wheezed, feeling his heart beat several times faster than it was supposed to. He wouldn’t have said he was scared, but anger was definitely rising as it often did when the humans decided to do something particularly outlandish. He had no purchase to act on it, though. His arms stayed stuck behind his back and the humans kept a tight hold of him.

And the tube wouldn’t budge.

He hadn’t wanted to guess for its purpose and likely get it wrong, but when one of the humans approached his head with a container of some sort of sludge, Sideswipe tensed.

He didn’t particularly fancy being right about this one thing, but when that human proceeded to force the slurry down the tube, all the way to his stomach… He was right.

If he wasn’t going to eat, they were apparently going to feed him whether he liked it or not.

Resignation sank into his bones and made him finally still, closing his eyes and letting the humans do as they pleased—they were going to do it anyway, weren’t they?—while he tried to fight back the discomfort of having something stuck in his throat, of feeling something enter his stomach without input from him.

It wasn’t much that they forced into him. It was over faster than he would’ve expected; before long they were already carefully pulling the tube back out. Sideswipe pulled his head back when it had almost cleared his throat, and surprisingly they let him.

The tube slipped out entirely, to great relief from him, and the wedge was quickly removed too. He gasped and would’ve wanted to rub at his sore throat if it wasn’t for the fact they still had his arms tied. They fixed that soon enough too, though. They unbound his arms, and in the same breath gave him the permission to return back to the water.

Like he wouldn’t have done that anyway.

Still a little uncoordinated, Sideswipe got his arms beneath himself and turned around, whacking one of the newer humans with his tail as he did. They crashed into the supplies behind them to audible distress from the others, but Sideswipe didn’t stay to see what happened.

He pulled himself to the platform’s edge and fell over it into the welcoming water. His pups were immediately upon him, distressed by what they had witnessed. They had been taught to suffer through several procedures without putting up too much of a fuss, but never… _That._

“Carrier! Are you okay? What did they do? Why did they do that for?” came the anxious questions as they circled around him, laid their little hands on him to assure themselves he was still in one piece.

And Sideswipe didn’t know what to tell them. Didn’t know how to say he missed someone they didn’t even know so dearly that his will to do anything was wavering—that eating was just one of many things he didn’t really want to do.

That his fasting would have eventually weakened him, if the humans hadn’t decided they didn’t want him in poor health. 

That if he had continued undisturbed long enough, he would have died.

But that wasn’t what he had wanted to do. He didn’t want to leave the babes. He just…

Primus, he missed Sunstreaker so much. 

He still didn’t want to eat, but neither did he want a repeat of what the humans had done. So he made a point to eat, a little bit.

Not enough. It was barely a week before he was called from the water again, before the whole process was repeated again, before the pups were distressed all over again.

So he ate a little bit more.

Still not enough. Again they did it, but he could’ve never told when they called him out of the water for _it,_ and when it was for completely unrelated things. 

So he went, and they held him down and forced more of their sludge into his stomach.

He ate even more after that, just to avoid having to go through it yet again. This time he found the balance. He still didn’t eat as much as he once had, but…

He ate enough to keep the humans satisfied.

He ate enough to keep the babes from having to see that particular thing even one more time.

That would do.

* * *

The babes grew so much, so fast, just like they were supposed to. The time to call them pups came and went. Soon they were already yearlings, lanky and awkward but full of life and desire to learn. 

But _yearlings_ meant the onset of the season, once again. They were too young to participate.

Sideswipe wasn’t.

They all felt the call, even if he was the only one with the _need_ attached to it. Even the babes were swimming restlessly this time of the year, _something_ in them telling them to go to places they had never seen—didn’t even know existed.

They didn’t know what to do with that feeling, but then neither did Sideswipe. There was no available outlet for it except to swim, swim, and swim, circling the tank in a never ending loop. So that was what they all did. It was their first lesson on the mating season, too, although Sideswipe was careful to leave everything he told vague.

To not hint at the existence of the ocean.

They didn’t need to know any more than what was necessary to explain what was right in front of their noses. He had to lie a little bit, too, to explain away the apparent need to _go_ somewhere.

Say it was nothing big.

Make no mention of the Gathering.

Sideswipe grit his teeth and bore the season, complete with its need and the ever constant frustration. He had no other option. The babes were too young, and…

If Sunstreaker was here, he wouldn’t have wanted to be in the same tank with him. Not during the season, not after what happened during that first one they were old enough to participate in.

Except that was a lie, wasn’t it? If having Sunstreaker here during the season was the tradeoff to having Sunstreaker around at all, he would never say no.

Even if the tradeoff was a repeat of what had given a beginning to the babes…

He still wouldn’t have said no.

There was no privacy in the tank, but when Sideswipe sequestered himself into one corner, the babes gave him space to bury his face into his hands and give in to the awful distance he felt from Sunstreaker.

He missed him so much. Missed his scent, all but gone from the tank, the room.

Missed his voice, rough and handsome.

Missed the sight of him, now only a shadow of it left in the babes.

Missed his temper, his deadpan sense of humor, the way he’d wrapped him into his arms whenever things felt tough.

Why had they never brought him back?

* * *

The years ran by with little change. The babes grew, the humans continued to “teach” them things, Sideswipe continued to eat the minimum required for them to leave him alone.

His body wasn’t the same anymore. He felt weaker than before. Not hungry, per se, but not quite energetic as he had when he had still eaten like he was supposed to.

When Sunstreaker had still been here.

When he’d still held onto hope that they would eventually reunite them. 

The babes didn’t need him anymore, hadn’t for a long time. The humans still kept them together, and the babes didn’t know any better.

Sideswipe knew. Sideswipe knew they should have parted ways already.

But there wasn’t the option.

He wondered about it, sometimes. Had they removed Sunstreaker because they had wanted to keep the babes and thought things would’ve been too cramped with all four of them there? Dammit, it had been too cramped with just two of them. What difference did it make if there were two pups in there too?

If everything being cramped would’ve been the cost of having Sunstreaker here, he would’ve accepted it in a heartbeat.

* * *

It was into the fourth year after the babes were born that things finally changed, although Sideswipe wasn’t sure if he would have wanted that change or not. One day they just came and… Took the babes.

The two were first called out of the water, which wasn’t at all unusual and Sideswipe hadn’t paid it much mind. He continued to swim around leisurely.

But time went on and on, and yet the babes hadn’t returned to the water. Eventually worry had him peeking out of the water onto the platform where they were supposed to be, which was the only place they could’ve been outside of the water, but…

They weren’t there.

They just weren’t.

He didn’t even have it in himself to panic. It wasn’t hard to guess what had happened.

Humans. Humans had happened.

And Sideswipe doubted they would ever return, either.

He let himself sink to the bottom of the tank where he wrapped his arms around himself and gave in to the sorrow and _loneliness_ that hit him like a physical weight, made it feel like someone was crushing his chest. Made every breath hurt. Made his eyes burn. 

What little he had had left of Sunstreaker… The things they had made together.

His babes.

_They hadn’t even been allowed a goodbye._

Not even a goodbye...

Why did he feel like he’d been here before?

* * *

He’d been alone in the tank before. That wasn’t new.

But that hadn’t happened in years. Him and the babes hadn’t fought like him and Sunstreaker had; there had never been a need to separate them.

That barely mattered, though. It had never been any better even when it had happened more frequently. He had never wanted to be alone, not even after he and Sunstreaker had had their worse fights. What mer didn’t yearn for company? It wasn’t natural to be alone.

And there had always been that uncertainty of if they’d ever even see each other again. They always had, eventually.

Until they hadn’t. 

The babes had always been a distraction, something to keep his mind occupied and away from all of the more negative thoughts.

Now, there was no one and nothing to save him.

And the thoughts came, unbidden, relentless. Nights were the hardest. During the days he could never forget he was under the watchful eye of the humans, never allowed true privacy. It gave him what he needed to keep it at least mostly together.

At night, there were none around, and no reason to pretend he was okay. At night he found himself curled up on the empty floor of the tank, sleepless, his mind rewinding the days where he’d still had his brother around. They’d fought and they’d made mistakes, but that _paled_ in comparison to the companionship they had each offered. The love, the acceptance, the understanding.

All taken from him.

Just like that.

There was no more laughter, no chasing each other around. No jokes, no conversation.

Now not even the babes were here. Where had they been taken, he wondered, and knew he’d never find out. They’d just disappeared from his life, just like Sunstreaker had.

He couldn’t understand it. He tried, tried to think of some reasoning for the humans’ behavior, but nothing other than cruelty came to mind. Why would they have acted so otherwise? First left him to take care of newborns alone, and then, when those newborns had grown, taken them too?

Leave him alone again?

He couldn’t understand it.

He stopped eating, again. The humans tried their tricks, again. He ignored their attempts, again.

They shoved a tube down his throat, again.

He didn’t swim much anymore. More often than not he was sitting next to the one window of the tank, passing the time by watching the humans moving around on the other side of it. Tall humans, short humans. Adults and pups, if he understood it right.

He wondered if they were free to go where they wanted to, or if they were similarly trapped as he was.

They watched him in return, but he could ignore it by now.

* * *

He didn’t need to be alone for even two weeks, though. Sideswipe left his vantage point next to the window to investigate when there was a ruckus from the platform, breaking the water to take a look.

His eyes widened when he saw the shape of another mer. Not Sunstreaker, not the babes, that much was immediately obvious from the grey scales, but it was… Another of his kind.

Why? Why had they taken everyone he’d had before, only to bring in someone completely new?

Not that he was entirely opposed to this development. Even strangers were better than being alone. Strangers were potential friends.

He dove back under and settled to wait for the humans to be over with the transfer, and most likely for the other mer to work the sedatives out of their system. He doubted they’d handled him much without those.

It didn’t take too long. Soon enough the mer was slipping into the water, shaking himself off once he was underwater.

Then he had a look around, saw Sideswipe, and immediately waved at him enthusiastically. “Oh, hello! I didn’t know if there would be anyone else, but I’m really, really happy there is, you know, being alone sucks so much. Have you been alone? I don’t see anyone else… How long were you alone? You don’t have to be so anymore though! I swear I’m good company, and I hope we can get to know each other. Oh, I’m Bluestreak!”

Sideswipe cracked a smile at the litany aimed at him. There wasn’t a single speck of blue on the other mer though, aside from his eyes. He was shades of grey with accents of red, and yet, “You can call me Blue, everyone does.”

“Alright, Blue,” Sideswipe said, swimming closer slowly. Bluestreak didn’t seem to mind the approach though, his demeanor was just so… Cheerful.

It reminded him of himself. Or of what he had been like… Way back when. “I’m Sideswipe.”

“Sideswipe! That’s a really nice name, I like it, and it’s really nice to meet you-”

The mer had a mouth on him. Sideswipe didn’t mind, though. It broke the quiet and kept his mind distracted, and Bluestreak was nice. Incredibly chatty, but that didn’t make him any less nice. He was kind, thoughtful in his own way, and funny without even trying to be.

Their conversations weren’t all one-sided, either. Sure, Bluestreak did most of the talking, but Sideswipe got in a question here and there, little things that he pieced together to build an image of Bluestreak’s life and history.

He was captive born. He’d never seen the ocean, only heard of it.

And Sideswipe’s chest tightened. That was his pups. They were about the same age too, still a few years from sexual maturity.

He had no maternal feelings for Bluestreak, he was well past the age of needing anyone to hen over him, but… He became something like a friend pretty quickly.

He still couldn’t forget, though. Bluestreak was no replacement to Sunstreaker.

The two didn’t even compare. They were nothing alike.

And he missed his brother. He wanted his brother.

It had been years, and he still

Just

Wanted

Sunstreaker.

* * *

“Who’s Sunstreaker? You sometimes… Talk about him in your sleep.”

Sideswipe flinched when Bluestreak approached him with that question. He’d gone back to sitting by the window, his tail curled under him. Bluestreak liked to stop his swimming to come talk to him pretty often.

But as much as they’d talked, Sideswipe hadn’t told much about himself, and Bluestreak had never pried.

Bluestreak knew he had been born in the wild, but he didn’t know about Sunstreaker, or about… What had gone down between them.

He didn’t know about the babes.

And he’d been in no hurry to broach any of those topics.

So Sideswipe wrapped his arms a little tighter around himself and resolutely stared out the window. “No one.”

Bluestreak was uncharastically quiet for a moment, and Sideswipe thought he’d maybe hurt his feelings a little. Then came a quiet, “Oh. Okay,” before Sideswipe could feel Bluestreak swimming away.

He didn’t want to hurt him, but neither did he want to talk about Sunstreaker.

Sunstreaker was his memory to keep.

And only a memory.

Sideswipe hung his head and let the emotions come like a tidal wave.

* * *

He still didn’t eat. He knew Bluestreak had noticed his thin tail the moment they’d met, but he never asked about it before he witnessed the first time the humans shoved some more food down his throat.

Then he asked, horrified by what he had seen. Humans had never treated him like that.

Of course they hadn’t. Maybe it was just Sideswipe they liked to torment.

He hadn’t had the answers that time, or any of the times afterwards. His food pipe had nearly grown numb to the treatment with how often it happened. He didn’t fight it anymore.

But they couldn’t feed him often enough to make a full difference. His tail kept getting thinner. Bluestreak was getting worried, fussing over him every and now and then and begging him to eat something.

Sideswipe ignored it. He sat by the window and ignored it.

Bluestreak was a good companion, there was nothing with that. But… He still wasn’t who he wanted.

He only wanted Sunstreaker.

He’d held on for years for the babes. He’d never wanted them to see anything they couldn’t forget. He’d taken care of them longer than what was natural.

Hadn’t he deserved a break?

Bluestreak wasn’t enough. He would never be enough.

He couldn’t get over Sunstreaker.

He’d pretended for the sake of the babes, he really had. He’d tried his best for them, just like Sunstreaker had said they would.

But Sunstreaker had meant they would do their best _together._

Except they hadn’t. They hadn’t been given the chance. He’d been left to do his best alone, and he’d _tried._

He’d tried so hard.

And now he was tired. He had been all the time, really, but now... 

He had no reason to hide it anymore. Bluestreak didn’t matter to that extent. Bluestreak was happy. He didn’t know of anything else; he would continue to be happy through everything the humans did to him.

Sideswipe knew of something better. He’d had that something better, if just for a fleeting moment. He’d been able to withstand losing it all with Sunstreaker by his side. They’d faced the unknown together, had each other’s backs every step of the way. 

Not anymore.

Bluestreak might’ve been there, but he still felt alone. Without Sunstreaker, he suspected he always would. 

He wouldn’t have ever known how much his brother meant to him if they hadn’t taken him from him, and he’d have been glad never knowing. 

He didn’t have an appetite. He didn’t eat. They kept forcing him to ingest things when it suited them. 

Sideswipe started throwing it back up as soon as he was back in the water.

They kept trying. He kept expelling it, every time.

They grew frustrated, desperate, but what could they do? Keep him on land with his mouth closed until he’d digested it? That would have taken far too long.

They wouldn’t give up.

Sideswipe thought that maybe he had. He still rebelled against the humans in the way he could, but… There was a weight in his limbs that didn’t come just from lack of nutrition.

There was a weight in his heart that never went away. A pain. An old would that had never gotten the chance to close. He’d covered it up, that’s all.

He didn’t want to anymore. He was tired. So, so tired. 

He didn’t want to keep going. He didn’t want to keep trying.

So he sat by his window. He kept throwing up everything they tried to feed him. The pace at which his body changed shape quickened. Fat reserves were eaten away. He was slim, so slim, and not in a healthy way.

He knew that.

He kept doing what he did. 

He stopped answering the humans’ calls.

He sat by his window, even when a curtain was drawn on the other side of it, hiding him and the tank from view. He suspected it was because of him. Who wanted to watch a slowly dying mer?

And that was what he was doing.

Day by day he could feel his strength waning. Day by day he wouldn’t move. Day by day he would compare his reflection to what he had looked like in another lifetime. His cheekbones had always been sharp, but now his face was beyond that. It was gaunt: cheeks caved in entirely, eyes sunken into their sockets.

He’d had broad shoulders, a muscular chest. Just like Sunstreaker. He’d always been happy with the way he looked. How they both looked.

You could see his ribs, now. Count every single one of them. His shoulders were all but gone, nothing but shriveled bumps holding his arms in place.

His arms, once so strong, it was hard to lift them now. His elbows were sticking out, as were the bones in his wrists, hands. Everything was sticking out, everything was thin enough to wrap his hand around and have his thumb touch the rest of his fingers.

His hips were gone. There was no muscle left, barely any left in his entire tail. It was no good for swimming anymore. He’d pick at his tail fin in the lack of anything better to do.

His fins. They’d always been ragged, but now they were ragged enough to barely exist. His abdomen had practically caved in. There was almost nothing left of his colors, they were so muted.

He looked terrible. There was no pride left.

And he hurt. He hurt inside and out, in his body, in his emotions, in his heart and mind.

But there was also relief. The humans hadn’t been able to get to him, not at the bottom of the tank. They hadn’t managed to reverse things with their tubes, and now they couldn’t even try.

He knew he didn’t have long anymore. 

Sideswipe smiled, and he felt it. Felt how it was the most genuine expression of happiness he’d displayed in long, long years. 

His heart was beating an off rhythm. Sideswipe lifted a hand and pressed it against his withered chest, feeling its beat against his palm. Bluestreak sensed the change in him and swam over—sat next to him, wrapped his arm around him, pulled him into his side.

Sideswipe slumped against the healthy body, letting his head rest on the smaller mer’s shoulder.

Bluestreak had stopped asking. He’d stopped trying to convince him to fight on.

Sideswipe was grateful. It was too late to say it, but he laid a hand on Bluestreak’s tail, and Bluestreak covered it with his own.

Maybe that was all that was needed.

He closed his eyes and felt, heard the way his heart began to skip beats, fluttering in his chest unevenly.

But he was happy. He didn’t know where Sunstreaker was, but he wouldn’t have to go on without him anymore.

He could rest.

And if there was an afterlife, maybe they would meet again there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I wanna scream  
>  Is this a dream?  
> How could this happen  
> Happen to me?  
> This isn't fair  
> This nightmare  
> This kind of torture  
> I just can't bear  
> I want you here  
> I want you here_
> 
> — Plumb - I Want You here


	2. Kill or Be Killed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't much happier than the previous chapter. Again, please see the tags for warnings. And again, there is an image at the end, although it's not as... Bad as the previous one. In my opinion anyway.
> 
> This chapter also answers the question of "Why didn't they just return Sunstreaker when Sideswipe started to do so obviously craptastically without him?"
> 
> Enjoy.

The season had come. That meant the birth of the pups— _his_ pups.

 _Their_ plan all along had been for him to be there, to help Sideswipe any way he could through the process.

The humans? They had other plans.

It was pointless to move him. Nothing would have happened this year. Maybe the next, sure, but not this one. Sideswipe had no potential as a mate when he was having pups.

He wasn’t too surprised the humans didn’t understand details like that, though. And he’d gotten protective of Sideswipe, hadn’t wanted the humans anywhere near him, or anywhere near the pups, once it was their time to arrive. He’d begun to act even more aggressive towards them than usual, and that was his downfall, the one thing that clouded his judgement and made him make the mistake of leaving the water for the satisfaction of seeing the humans flee the room.

They were ready for him. Sedated him, knocked him out cold.

He woke up in the smaller tank they sometimes moved him to.

He didn’t want to be there. He was supposed to be with Sideswipe, helping him, supporting him.

Making sure the humans did nothing to him.

He was so angry, at the humans, at himself for being so stupid. He should have stayed in the water. They wouldn’t have been able to remove him if he’d just stayed in the water. Both him and Sideswipe were too big, too unwieldy for that. They were safe in the water when they didn’t feel like cooperating with the humans’ whims. 

Now Sideswipe was alone, just as Sunstreaker was alone, and he _hated_ it with this whole being. Hated the humans for separating them, just like he always did. Didn’t they understand it only made things worse? Especially now.

_Last year would’ve begged to differ._

Sunstreaker grit his teeth at that thought, hitting the solid walls of the tank with his fists. That thought wasn’t all wrong, was it? The debacle that whole thing had been… Maybe another year they would have preferred to be separated, just so the same wouldn’t repeat.

Just so he wouldn’t do that to Sideswipe all over again.

But not this year. Primus, not this year. 

What did the humans care about what they wanted, though? They never had before, and he doubted they ever would. The humans did what they wanted to do, and fuck whether him and Sideswipe liked it or not, agreed with it or not. Wasn’t that the story of their lives?

And here they were again, in that same predicament, at the humans’ mercy, and not for the better in the slightest.

The season crawled on. Sunstreaker tried to bear it, and to his credit he was pretty sure he managed to hold onto his sanity through it, against all odds. Oh, the rage would have driven him into unspeakable violence if the humans had gotten close enough, he was sure of that, but they made sure to never give him the chance.

And the frustration meant his claws were filed down, the skin in his hands and tail rubbed into raw flesh from all the times he’d tried to air any of it by fruitlessly attacking the walls.

Yet he kept his mind together through all of it, in his own personal opinion.

And nothing lasts forever. The season didn’t, either, and once it ended… That was when Sunstreaker began to fervently wait for the time when they’d return him to the larger tank. Back to Sideswipe.

And to… _His_ pups. 

Their pups. 

He was anxious to meet them. Nervous, excited. He wasn’t sure what to expect.

He just wanted back to Sideswipe, that was all. Let the rest flow as it did.

They didn’t move him right away. He should’ve expected it, but it still had him _angsting_ all over again while he waited, impatient. Humans and their lack of clue of how anything worked… If the season wasn’t to drive him mad, that just might.

A few days after the season’s end they finally came for him. Sunstreaker shot out of the water, barely waiting for them to beckon him, unspeakably eager to just have these weeks torment over with and to get back _home._

So he let them stick their needles into him and sedate him into unconsciousness all over again, his heart fluttering with happy anticipation.

Back to Sideswipe.

Back there to meet their little ones.

* * *

He woke up. Or began to, anyway, but before any conscious thought even returned to him, he was already hit with the sense that something was _wrong._ Very wrong. As his senses and thoughts returned to him, he could slowly start to piece together the cause for that feeling.

The smells were all wrong. This wasn’t the scent of their usual tank. There wasn’t Sideswipe’s scent. 

The background hum he could hear, he was sure that was different too. He couldn’t be imagining it when it struck such a chord of offness to his ear. 

Maybe they’d decided to move them both into a bigger tank, to accommodate the arrival of the pups.

Then why couldn’t he get a single whiff of Sideswipe?

Then why didn’t it even smell like the aquarium they’d spent most of their lives in?

Sunstreaker was already moving long before he had any true control over his body, his mind desperate to wake up fully, to shake off the remnants of the sedation. His heart beat a mile a minute, a chant of _no no no no_ dominating his sluggish thoughts.

He feared for the worst. He _needed_ to wake up to find out it wasn’t so. 

His eyes flew open, and Sunstreaker didn’t bother waiting for his vision to clear before he was already glancing around to the best of his ability.

It wasn’t their tank. It couldn’t be; even through the haze covering his eyes, everything looked different. The colors, the placement of things, those were all wrong.

Where was the water?

 _There._

Sunstreaker rolled onto his front laboriously, his arms shaking under his weight as he propped himself up.

He didn’t care. The water called him, and he dragged himself over to the edge of the pool to drop headfirst into the warm liquid.

There it didn’t matter if his coordination was all gone and if it took him an embarrassing amount of time to even figure out which way was up and align himself according to that knowledge. 

It didn’t matter. He was in the water, he was safe, and _where was Sideswipe?_

His vision cleared too slowly, but when it did he could see another mer hanging further back. He was an ugly green, a real eyesore and Sunstreaker snarled the moment he saw him.

The stranger shrank back a little bit. Sunstreaker felt a surge of satisfaction that was immediately drowned out by _everything else._

Anger. Mostly anger. Some fear.

Still that damned sense of wrongness, that was only fortified when he cast a wild glance around and couldn’t see Sideswipe.

But this tank wasn’t rectangular. The walls curved.

There was something behind the curve.

His body was barely ready to start cooperating, but Sunstreaker forced the issue and launched into motion, swimming to the bend as fast as he could.

And around it, to see what was on the other side.

More tank.

Not empty tank.

There was a red mer.

It wasn’t Sideswipe.

That was all he cared to know.

Sunstreaker turned around to swim along the wall, searching for any opening that would have led elsewhere, that could have hidden someone.

He swam the perimeter of the entire tank.

Nothing.

Nothing and no one but the two mers, one red, the other green. 

Sunstreaker panted as he came to a stop along one wall, staring at it for a moment before he violently turned around to see the other two mers looking at him.

Keeping their distance.

Smart of them.

“Where the _pit_ am I?” Sunstreaker hissed at them, his body vibrating from the force of his anger—fear.

Sideswipe wasn’t here.

Sideswipe wasn’t here.

_Sideswipe wasn’t here._

Nothing was right.

“Uh… Here, but we… Don’t know where _here_ is,” the green mer spoke up, voice apologetic.

Sunstreaker wasn’t surprised. When would any of them have had a way to find out where they were?

At the mercy of humans, that was all they would ever know.

It didn’t stop him from growling wordlessly, his vision discoloring into red, a ringing in his ears.

Without thought Sunstreaker charged, closing the distance between them before the two could react and _ripping_ into the ugly green one. There was a pained, surprised wail, and red gushed into the water.

Satisfactory.

There was shouting from above the water even before he felt the red mer’s claws on him, all the reason he needed to abandon the green one that swam away, spooked, as soon as he was released.

He knew it wasn’t the other mers’ fault, that they were as much victims of circumstances as he was.

He didn’t give a damn.

The red one had more fight in him, and they tumbled in the water, exchanging hits and strikes until the humans’ unintelligible yells switched into loud orders.

Sunstreaker wouldn’t have cared in the slightest if the red mer hadn’t either, but the other did care, breaking away instantly and swimming as fast as his tail would allow him to towards the direction of the platform Sunstreaker had first awakened at.

Sunstreaker chased after him, intent on digging his claws back into his flesh, to bite into him and feel his blood pulse into his mouth.

He didn’t get the chance before both the green and red mers had reached the platform and hauled themselves out of the water.

Sunstreaker didn’t follow them. He’d made that mistake once, he wasn’t going to do it again.

Instead he turned around and went back to swimming along the curving walls of the tank—back to directing his aggression to the lifeless, careless walls at the cost of his own body.

His injuries throbbed, slashes and bitemarks puffing blood into the water around him. It was tainted with clouds of red all around the pool. Everything stank of it and fear.

He raged, heedless of the fact the two mers never returned to the water.

The lights dimmed and turned off.

The anger still consumed him.

* * *

They left him there, alone. This time Sunstreaker wasn’t so sure he held onto his sanity. His thoughts rang with the one single question— _where was Sideswipe?_ —and he feared with all of his heart he already knew the answer.

That Sideswipe was still back at home.

That Sideswipe wasn’t here and never would be. 

Did they have it in them? Separate them? Even when it was apparent Sideswipe had had _his pups?_

Or was it _because_ he’d had his pups? Was this some sick idea of a punishment?

Was it in any way proportional to the crime committed? One that _they_ had driven them into?

He wanted to ask how they could possibly do this to them, but this was the humans. Was there anything they _wouldn’t_ do? Humiliate them until they had no pride or dignity left, abuse them, drive them into rape, incest, separate them when they didn’t like the results of what _they had caused them to do._

Anger. He barely knew anything else anymore. The injustice of it all burned at him and kept his emotions from ever cooling down, made sure his thoughts stayed shackled to that singular topic.

And the fact Sideswipe was out there, most likely alone, with his pups.

 _His pups._ He had the right to see them! To meet them....

Even just once. Even just enough to say goodbye.

Find some closure.

What good would that have done, though? Closure or not, he could’ve never, _ever_ accepted having Sideswipe taken from him. They’d always been together, and they were supposed to always be together.

They were all they’d ever had.

Now the humans had taken everything from him, hadn’t they? His freedom, his happiness, his rights.

His brother.

Fury consumed him. He swore revenge.

He _swore_ he would still be reunited with Sideswipe, whether the humans liked it or not.

One way or another.

He’d find a way even if it took the rest of his lifetime.

By Primus, he would find a way.

* * *

The humans were careful around him. Very careful after what he’d done to his “tankmates” whose names he’d never even learned. He didn’t think either of them had died from their injuries—Sunstreaker sure hadn’t—but for _their own safety_ he doubted the humans would return them to the tank. 

So he was alone with his thoughts, his anger.

He was still fed, the humans bothered to do that much even if they were careful to never come within his reach. His injuries started to heal, slowly, although he’d barely felt them in the first place. 

Days passed.

He plotted, thought of all the ways things could go.

Thought of all the ways he could make things go _horribly wrong._ For them.

Kill them all.

Two or three weeks, before the humans finally entered the platform again.

They called him over and Sunstreaker went, calmly, as if he wasn’t already revisiting his plans for the best way to end as many of them as he could. There were five of them present. 

He likely couldn’t get them all, as slow as he was on land, but even just two would be good.

He climbed out of the water with no sign of aggression, and waited, still and calm, until three of them approached. They did so carefully, but gained some more confidence the longer he spent without showing any signs of acting out.

He let them touch him, took their orders without a fight. Played along in their little game.

Bided his time.

He waited all the way until they were already done with him and turned their _backs_ to him. He took that _second_ to act, reaching out to grab one of the humans. The ones further off shouted a warning.

Too late. 

His claws dug into the human and he turned around as quickly as he could, adding the momentum into a sweep of his tail and _slamming_ it into the two other humans.

He would have loved to see what he achieved with that, but he had to be fast before any of them recovered from their shock. He threw the human in his grasp into the water and followed as quickly as he could.

Water was his element.

It was not the humans’ element.

The one unfortunate enough to be trapped there with him tried desperately to swim back to the edge of the pool, to climb out to safety.

Sunstreaker didn’t give them the chance.

He grabbed the human mid escape and _dove,_ dragging them with him to the bottom of the tank. His claws sank into their flesh, digging deep furrows where he held them tight. Red bled into the water all over again, but he didn’t kill them like that.

Only made them hurt.

He let time do the killing. Humans couldn’t breathe underwater.

It would run out of oxygen.

So Sunstreaker waited some more, watching with _glee_ as the human started to struggle against his hold more and more desperately. It started to change color as the seconds dragged on into minutes. It turned absolutely _wild_ in his grasp.

Oh, how the mighty fell.

Eventually it couldn’t deny its pathetic body anymore and _gasped,_ pulling a rush of water straight into its lungs. 

And humans, they didn’t have an easy way to get that water back out.

They were so poorly suited to aquatic life it was _laughable_ on a planet that was mostly covered in water.

He drowned it. Without hesitation, without mercy he held onto it until he was _sure_ it was dead and there was no chance it would make a sudden recovery.

Then he bit into it, tearing off the garments it wore until he had uninterrupted access to its _meat._

And he ate it. There, at the bottom of the tank, he feasted on the flesh of his sworn enemy. Just one of them for now, but he promised the world at large that there would be more.

He wouldn’t rest before all of them had been made to pay for what they had done to them.

It was all for Sideswipe.

* * *

Again there was a long spell where the humans didn’t dare to approach him, but the weird power trip they got from ordering his kind around eventually won over their caution.

They called him to the platform again, and he went, although this time _none_ of them dared come within his reach.

He was still given orders, but from a distance. They tossed his damn _rewards_ to him from there.

It made his blood boil, his breath coming in shallow puffs that was easy to mistake for the way their breathing was already nothing but desperate _panting_ on land. 

He followed their orders for a while, just to make sure they weren’t expecting anything. Laid down, rose back up, arched his back, lifted his tail, turned over, did this, did that as they wanted him to. 

Until he couldn’t keep himself waiting any longer.

At that moment, in a motion that could have been merely him falling into another order, he _lunged_ at the closest human. They didn’t have the time to get out of his way. His claws sank into them to a bloody spray that landed on his skin as a warm shower, like the rain he hadn’t felt in years.

They never stood a chance. He ripped them open like the _pig_ they were, and there was nothing any of them could do to stop him.

The others yelled, but when he dropped the dead bag of flesh and turned his attention to them, they were all quick to leave the scene. Satisfaction surged in his chest.

It was nowhere near enough to wash away the burn of anger, the _hate-_

But it was a step in the right direction.

It didn’t cure the fact he missed Sideswipe to the point his heart bled-

But it was a step in the right direction.

* * *

He spent that night awake, the rush of the kill making sleep elude him. He sat at the bottom of the tank, staring upward in the dark, lightless water.

And he thought.

Of Sideswipe, mostly. Wondered how he was doing. Sideswipe had always been the more sensitive of them, the one who took things harder. They both needed companionship as any mer would, but Sideswipe was the one who had needed comfort more. Sunstreaker had been happy to provide it, most of the time.

But he knew he had a temper, and sometimes it got the better of him. He’d made Sideswipe hurt.

They’d always made up, though. Even… Last year, with everything that had gone down-

The way Sideswipe had subtly shied away from him since-

He was sure they could have fixed that with time, as well. Being there for him when the pups came would have been the start.

Now that wasn’t to be.

He couldn’t wait for the day when he’d see Sideswipe again. Maybe it would still be in a tank. He would take even that.

But he held onto hope that it would, instead, be in the wild. Maybe they would run into each other in a Gathering, joyous to see each other again. Join the same pods, raise pups that _weren’t_ each other’s, in a world where no one could come between them again. Be happy, as they had been during the first few months of their lives, before the humans had come and taken it all from them.

He didn’t know how to get back there, back where they were supposed to be, but there had to be a way.

He couldn’t let this be all there was. 

* * *

The humans came again the next day. Sunstreaker didn’t go investigate right away, but he heard them making noises at each other from where he was at the other side of the pool.

He wasn’t sure how many more times he could get away with taking their worthless lives before they wisened up, but he would try as many times as he could. 

As many times as it took to satisfy his need for revenge.

They hadn’t paid anywhere _near_ enough yet.

He wasn’t sure how long he waited, swimming back and forth at the end of the pool, before they called him over once again. And he went there, but… Certainly they would expect him to do something, by now.

Something _violent,_ something _bloody._

So instead of approaching slowly and _as if_ he wasn’t going to do anything, Sunstreaker accelerated, pressing through the water only to jump out of it and onto the platform with speed. He wouldn’t catch any of them by being slow and patient about it this time around, he was sure of that.

Maybe something _faster_ would work. 

The humans yelled something as he shot through the air and landed well beyond the edge of the platform. They tried to get out of his way, clearly not having expected him to get so far, so soon.

They were too slow.

His jaws clamped down on the shoulder of one unfortunate human that had nearly gotten crushed under his bulk. They cried out. From the corner of his eye he could see one human cocking something he’d never seen before, taking aim at him.

He grabbed a hold of the human fighting against his hold with one hand only to bite them _again_ while they were unable to escape-

_The other human fired, a shot of something hitting him in the shoulder-_

His teeth sank into their neck. Their head nearly fell off from the amount of flesh that was lost with that single attack.

_His mind was slowing down, thoughts clouding-_

Sunstreaker dropped the dead body and instead reached to his shoulder, plucking out whatever the human had shot him with.

_Fuck, he was so tired-_

A small cylindrical container of some sort, with a needle at one end. 

_His arms were shaking-_

Sunstreaker threw the offending object away with a snarl before his arm gave out under the weight of his upper body and he crashed onto the floor in one undignified heap.

_It was getting so hard to move-_

He fought the sedative—because that was all it could be—for as long as he could. His thoughts turned to mush, his body stopped responding, but he fought the black creeping at the edges of his vision.

The humans watched on, keeping their distance as the threat he was slowly died away. He’d be helpless while under. _At their mercy_ all over again.

He wondered what they would do. He wished with all his heart it would be to move him back to Sideswipe, that he could abandon his campaign of destruction and be instead the brother Sideswipe deserved, the sire the pups deserved.

Sunstreaker held tightly onto that thought as the last of the tension left his body and he slumped against the floor.

He held onto that thought, that hope, as the black finally overwhelmed him and pulled him under-

Never to know he never would never awaken again.

Oh, _how the mighty fell._

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _'Cause I can't believe  
>  This is how the story ends  
> Fight for me  
> If it's not too late  
> Help me breathe again  
> No, this can't be how the story ends_
> 
> —Kerrie Roberts - Rescue Me (How the Story Ends)


End file.
